Jamaican Waist Trainers, Best in the World!

Two ladies, tourists, were talking to Sammie while he drove them about in his taxi

The girls asked if he liked eating cheese with broccoli and they laughed when he said “me don’t like brackli.”

One asked “ok, do you know a gym I could go to in this parish? Or a store that sells waist trainers?”

He said “you don’t need none of dat this island will get you down to size like a strainer…

Just take a walk to a cabin up there, right there to the dewy green mountain

Your legs will cry out for murder, Miss Ladies this is certain.

And the hills are like obstacle courses, I doubt you will return with all your nails intact

If you do, is a miracle, look out for Jesus knockin at your door, tat-tat!!

Or…maybe carry four coconuts on your way from the rastaman fruit stall

I guarantee your arms will be as firm and toned as the great China wall.

Or jus go to a local community and pass some people’s gate

Let the mongrels chase you round,make you break track records to date.

An’ you don’t need no waist trainers, just take a kingston taxi day-to-day

I promise the driver will squeeze you in tighter than donald trump toupee.

Over time your waist will get smaller from the passengers digging into your sides

And you’ll shape little in the middle like squeezed flouride

Toothpaste, that is – and I sure this is better than any waist shackle you can find online

Let your environment be your trainer than a money-grubbing gym coach all the time.

Here is where you come off ladies, have a safe trip, you hear?

And thanks much for the tip, ma babyloves take care!”

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3 thoughts on “Jamaican Waist Trainers, Best in the World!

  1. Did he really say all that word for word? #TalkTruth
    But f’real I’ve always lived on a hill and I’ve never gained weight. Gyms are a trend thing now, gym food, gym clothes, carrying your Gatorade in hand every where you go, “where you going ?” and you say, “gym” and tomorrow I see you eating a burger to ‘treat yourself’… SMH #jahknow. I rather the hill.

    — Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha, no, he didn’t say that. It’s basically what I’ve observed from growing up in Jamaica. The hills do a lot for fitness for real. A gym now should be redefined as a place where you take selfies to show you’re working at something but its effective anyways if people seriously exercise and eat healthy

      Liked by 1 person

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